How to Run Heroics!
Heroics are really easy. They are like Wrath heroics but better! Everyone will love you if you follow this heroic guide.
1. Tanks are superfluous! LOL that’s a big word. Just ignore them. They think they need “threat” but they don’t! Tell them that life is better when no one is threatening anyone!
2. Healers don’t need mana. Mana is for wimps! Any healer who is any good has infinite mana and can go forever without drinking so if your healer runs low on mana KICK THEM! LOL. You are super awesome and do not need their puny heals anyway.
3. Crowd Control is for the police and no one likes police! If your group asks you to use crowd control (often abbreviated by the incompetent as “CC”) you should inform them at once that you don’t need to “CC” anything! Your useless tank and your out-of-mana healer can totally take care of ten mobs at once and “CC” would just get in the way!
4. People insist upon this “CC” thing. Fine! We can do “CC”. The proper way to handle a crowd control situation is to open fire on everything in sight! If you break sheep or sap or whatever who cares? That is why it is so easy to “CC” something again in combat, right? RIGHT!
5. Don’t bother bringing food or water with you. That is what a mage is for! A mage is really just a glorified vending machine, and everyone knows that if your group lacks a mage then it is fail anyway. You should leave the group immediately if no
vending machine mage is present.
6. If your group dies then you should leave immediately. No one likes it when you try to work out the problem. NO! That is for women. You are a manly man and you should throw down your manly towel and declare at the top of your lungs how everyone sucks and you could solo this place in a second if you had the mind to! That will teach them!
7. When things go wrong (and they will because you lowered yourself to grouping instead of soloing the instance) remember it is everyone’s fault but yours. You should yell at them. Yelling IN ALL CAPS is the only way to get your point across and since you are always right, you should let them know! Insults and swears are also excellent motivators of puny mortals. If the mage accidentally stepped backwards into fire, you should INSULT HIS MOTHER! This is the only way you will fix things and win phat lootz.
These are the only rules you need to follow. Heroics are so easy and fun when you follow these easy steps to loot and glory!
PS: I’m going to hell.