Unhappy Face

Nothing really interesting to say today.

I won the battle with my internet, though it came at a high cost to my sanity. Six phone calls to customer service, many hours spent screaming internally, two technician visits to my home…in the end we just replaced the entire modem, and it seems to have worked. Honestly, nothing it more infuriating than being disconnected every 30 seconds from your internet. Not just from WoW, but from everything. I tried absolutely everything possible to fix it on my own, because, as I will explain in a second, AT&T has the worst customer service on the planet. I tried hard wiring myself to the modem directly, I tried resetting and a hard shut down (like ten times) and I tried moving it to another wall jack in another room. And still I was being disconnected every 30 seconds or so, for hours on end, for several days. And it made me very, very angry.

This is not to suggest that I enrage when deprived of WoW. It is to say that when I am attempting to use the internet that I am paying for, and it simply isn’t working, I get angry. It’s the constant disconnecting, only reconnecting long enough to log back in to WoW and yahoo IM and then…be disconnected again. It’s that. That’s what makes me sprout horns and turn red and start punching babies.

It reminded me too much of living at home with my parents, where the internet was of so low a quality I swear it was powered by a squirrel on a stone wheel (sidenote: if you’re ever shopping for internet in rural California, run away if someone directs you towards Ponderosa Telephone. Quite possibly the absolute worst internet I will ever encounter). Playing WoW at home was like playing on dial-up in the Sudan. I frequently (okay, always) had 5-10k latency and would often disconnect and lag out. Any attempt to inform my parents that the internet service they were paying for wasn’t working correctly was met with the typical parent response of “I’m paying for it so it’s not your right to complain” or my favorite “I don’t notice it so I don’t care”. So, when I finally moved out, one of my most favorite changes was internet both under my control and that worked.

The real kicker was AT&T’s service. When you call the customer service number, you’re automatically put on the line with an automated representative, which then wastes the next twenty minutes of your life asking questions it cannot understand the answers to. Our conversation went something like this:

Automated Dumbfuck: Hello and welcome to AT&T wireless customer service. I see you are calling from a mobile phone; is this the number on your wireless account?
Me: No.
AD: Please say or enter your 10 digit wireless account number.
Me: *pokes in number*
AD: Okay. One moment while I pull up your account information. Are you calling about home phone service, DSL service, mobile phone service, or television service?
Me: DSL int-
AD: Or you can say none of these.
Me: DSL INTERNET.
AD: I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that. Are you calling about *blah blah blah*
Me: DSL…internet…service…
AD: Please say or enter your postal code so I can verify your service *blah blah blah*
Me: *pokes in zip code*
AD: I’m sorry. It doesn’t appear we have any accounts in that area. Is this the number you meant to give me?
Me: YES.
AD: I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that. Is this the number you meant to give me?
Me: YES!
AD: One moment while I *blah blah blah* Which of the following are you calling about? *lists a bunch of stuff again*
Me: Internet.
AD: One moment while I connect you to a customer service representative…

And that wasn’t even the worst part. Never mind that Automated Dumbfuck can’t distinguish between “yes” and “no” in the English language, sometimes I never even got the option to talk to a real person. On several occasions, despite answering the same way I always do, it automatically kept trying to do a trouble shooting session with me…even though this was probably the fifth time I’d called in, and the customer service reps had already done all their tests on my internet and couldn’t find anything wrong. There was no option to “skip this step and talk to a real person” and eventually I just started screaming “I WANT TO TALK TO A REAL PERSON YOU RETARDED PIECE OF SHIT” which is really when you know you need a few Xanax and some hard liquor.

Don’t even get me started on the real people, either. They’re helpful and I am, in all honesty, as polite and patient as possible with them…but I have a sneaky suspicion that AT&T outsources to India because I got several techs that…did…not…speak…English. Oh, the words were English. But the accent and intonations and pronunciations were anything but. And I feel as though my problems increase ten-fold when the person I call to fix them cannot speak in a manner than I can understand, leading me to believe I might actually be better off speaking to Automated Dumbfuck because NonEnglishMan is almost worse.

And really, what kind of modern mega-corporation thinks that HANGING UP ON A CUSTOMER is “good service”? After fighting to be understood by Automated Dumbfuck, and then fighting to understand NonEnglishMan, I finally connected with a live, English-speaking person in Arkansas. My family is from Arkansas. I understand Arkansas people. Oh thank God. Your accent is heaven, sir. And Arkansas man declares that he will transfer me to the department that deals directly with modem and line issues, so finally I feel like I will get somewhere with this clusterfuck and solve my internet woes. No. I’m connected with NonEnglishWoman, who at least is easier to understand than NEM. SHE tells me she needs to transfer me to another department, and while I’m on hold, I hear…

“We’re sorry, but we cannot process your call. Please call the toll-free number again.” Click.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

I feel I should mention that it is also finals week. The last week I ever need to be experiencing internet issues, because besides making it impossible to raid, has made it impossible to stay connected long enough to access study materials online. And has also just generally made the stress I’m already feeling over my finals fester and breed until I break down and curl up and cry. It is also the one weekend a month where Boyfriend goes off to Be All He Can Be and I spent the entire time alone and completely bored without even basic television to distract me because I use Netflix which, of course, requires the internet.

So, this really had nothing to do with WoW even though I originally intended it to. Just venting.

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About Sylvestris

Gamer, nerd, book worm, baker.

Posted on May 15, 2011, in Rants (likely NSFW). Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. This was a joy to read and I really feel for you. It seems like everything gets outsourced nowadays. Keep writing!

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