Monthly Archives: January 2014

Iron Man Challenge: Stonetalon Mountains Edition

With the holidays firmly behind us (and the memories of that one night we got smashed on eggnog in Darnassus…) I headed on to Stonetalon Mountains. Iarann has been dutifully plodding her way through quest after quest, all the while avoiding death to the best of her ability, and keeping to zones that are slightly beneath her level has paid off. Even so, you don’t know fear until you’ve leveled under the “no death” clause. Suddenly everything is terrifying: Horde troops, rare spawns, falling ten feet down a mountain side, suspiciously placed peacebloom…

The transition from shady, cool Ashenvale to arid, mountainous Stonetalon was a little jarring.

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The scenery may have changed but the Horde presence remained the same. I got a little sick of them by the end of the zone. Having leveled through here as Horde once before, I sort of remember the story line, and Garrosh’s role in it. The Alliance side was not quite so compelling. Oh well.

Questing here took Iarann through many perils. We encountered my worst phobia in a little vale just off the path:

NOPE.

NOPE.

And this one, too, which I killed. Hard. With my bow. DIE. (Actually I was tempted to tame it but didn’t have the room.)

MOAR NOPE.

MOAR NOPE.

 

There was also this colossal fish which I took down with the help of several elven archers that I had freed from Horde cages earlier.

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The perils continued with dickbag quest givers who say rude things to you when you turn in quests. Not to name names, but it was this guy:

Pictured: Lord Pissypants Von Asshole, Jr.

Pictured: Lord Pissypants Von Asshole, Jr.

Seriously though, he was super rude. So I took a screenshot of him so that everyone would know to /spit on him next time they’re in Stonetalon.

It was not all dickwads and jerkbags, though. One of the quests in the first base you come to in Stonetalon has you repair a very large battlebot named Big Papa at the behest of a little girl named Alice. Last time I was here I didn’t get the reference, but having played the Bioshock games since then, I was totally thrilled to get to do that quest.

Break their bones, papa!

Break their bones, papa!

We then headed onward through the trees towards our next quest hub. For being a war-torn land, Stonetalon has some beauty to it.

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We did some quests with the Grimtotem tauren, possibly one of my more favored tauren tribes in the game. I’m still not over Cairne’s death but I have to admit that Magatha is an awesome antagonist and I wish we would see more of her. Alas, with the next expansion focusing on Draenor, it’s unlikely. But I did get to do some quests for this guy:

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As an aside, I love love love tauren architecture and culture. Also, Grimtotem tattoos need to be a thing for players.

After creepily taking pictures of a half naked tauren chieftain without his permission, I scuttled off to do some quests involving a bomb I had encountered early in the zone. It seems I wasnt as successful at diverting it as I had hoped, because I found it again back in the hands of the goblins some time later. Here’s how it went down:

Hey guys, do you remember that bomb I totally thought I had gotten rid of? I found it again.

Hey guys, do you remember that bomb I totally thought I had gotten rid of? I found it again.

Guys? Guys, I really think we need to do something about this bomb!

Guys? Guys, I really think we need to do something about this bomb!

I'll save you!

I’ll save you!

GUYS?!

GUYS?!

...shit.

…shit.

On a side note, though, rescuing helpless druids made me mad. Way to be an embarrassment to druid-kind, guys. You’re druids! You’re not helpless! Shapeshift! Pop barkskin! Entangling roots! Dash! MOONFIRE SPAM! Ugh, nevermind. Just run around screaming and die. You know, if Sylvestris had been arch druid of this school, this wouldn’t have happened. I mean really, the head druid guy was about as useless as a naked mole rat. “What?! The Horde is going to bomb my school?! Quick! Hop on my hippogriff and…rescue five of my 60 students. Yeah, just five will do. But make it the brightest five, okay? And when you’re done with that, we’ll just sit back and watch the bomb drop…”

In memory of all of those who died in the druid school bombing of 2014.

In memory of all of those who died in the druid school bombing of 2014.

 

I paid my respects and moved on. We soon came to a pretty little enclave of Gilnean folk situated on the bluffs overlooking the sea. As with all things Gilnean, ravens were involved, trees were abundant, and it smelled vaguely of dog.

Oh. Well that would be why.

Oh. Well that would be why.

 

“Houndmaster” sounds like a hunter spec that needs to happen. At the very least, I want the option to walk my pet around on a badass chain like in the picture.

The furry dog guy in the dress sent us on our way to poke at a dragon’s nest using a slightly terrifying device engineered by a gnome who wanted really badly to get jiggy with a werewolf. None of these things gave me much confidence in my mission, and being blasted around by a pair of rockets strapped to my back was not my idea of playing it safe. Did you know you take fall damage if you rocket launch yourself too far? I didn’t. This quest is not Iron Man Challenge friendly. Be careful!

As it turns out, big black drakes like to live in active volcanoes.

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They are also not very fond of people who come in, kill their whelps, and smash their eggs.

Look at the pretty dragons!

Look at the pretty dragons!

A little too close for comfort...

A little too close for comfort…

AUGH!

AUGH!

 

Despite the occasional aerial sneak attack by an angry black drake, I returned to the Gilnean base unscathed (though slightly singed by faulty Gnomish technology.) I didn’t linger, though I would liked to have done so, and made my way back across the zone headed west. I decided to hit up the Southern Barrens next instead of Desolace, because Desolace would have made for some fairly bland screenshots. Also, it’s icky.

We end our journey here, at the edge of the Barrens, in an Alliance base where Iarann can catch some resting bonus, get off her hooves for a while, and flirt with the many identical human men in armor.

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She can also spend some time training her newest pet. I found a rare spawn raptor in a cave just off a path in Stonetalon, and while I usually slaughter anything with a silver dragon around it, I decided to tame this one. Good call, too, as this model of raptor isn’t available again until Northrend levels. His name is Ahuizotl, after a character in the My Little Pony series. Say hi!

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That’s the adventure so far, folks. I’m not dead yet and I’ll be hitting up the Barrens soon. Wish me luck in my quest to 90 with zero deaths!

Good night!

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Nightmares

Last night I had a dream that I accidentally queued for LFR as a tank, and didn’t realize it until we were already inside making a bee-line for the first trash group. I panicked and switched to bear form and tried to tank but I couldn’t generate threat and mobs were running loose everywhere. Then I accidentally face pulled a huge group of trash and half the group had already ran ahead to the next room so I was left to deal with them on my own with a few dps left to help. It was awful. No one said anything to me but I did wake up rather quickly. Stupid dreams. They ought to know I don’t tank for strangers.